i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize