They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
