The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
