I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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