umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
