Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
