I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
