My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize