i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
