You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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