i permit you to call me
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
