I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
