May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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