I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
