Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
