playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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