I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
