Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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