Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
