Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
