Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
