A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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