His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize