I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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