I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
