I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
