So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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