No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
