can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
