I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
