You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
