i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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