Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
