I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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