I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
