Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
In other news, I just burned my penis
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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