look no pants
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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