I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Randomize
