I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
