Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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