I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
