you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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