I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
