When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
