Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize