Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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