to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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