Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize