i already hear my dad disowning me
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
