Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
