just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
