i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
