I want to make a zoo with you.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize