Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
