I could make wine with my vomit
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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