And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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