Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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