just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
