Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
