it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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