Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize