you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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