don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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