I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
