Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
