at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Panties = found
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
