glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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