Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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