im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize