i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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