Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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