he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
