were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize