The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Randomize