WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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