she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
