$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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