I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
