I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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