I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
